When You're Overwhelmed with Thoughts

One of the great joys in my life is taking walks on cool evenings while endlessly repeating my favorite songs. Recently, even when I intended to take light strolls, I found myself wandering around for over an hour and a half, listening to Bruno Major's tracks on numerous nights.

I love walking because it helps me organize my thoughts. I tend to have a lot of random thoughts, so I let my mind drift freely while walking. As I release various thoughts, one suddenly grabs my attention. Sometimes I dive deep into it, and other times I let it flow away again. (I'm sure MBTI-S-people can't relate at all 😉)

The thoughts I have during my night walks usually revolve around a few people I cherish, my future plans, and reflections on the past. Among these, there are positive thoughts, pessimistic ones, passionate ideas, and frustrating musings. I imagine many of you experience something similar.

However, I recently learned that the way we think has a significant impact on our mental health. If we don't intentionally manage our thoughts, we risk falling into "negative thought patterns" unconsciously. The "negative thought patterns" mentioned here are what mental health professionals refer to as "rumination."

It turns out that I often fall into this trap too.

Rehashing thoughts

Rumination refers to the mental habit of repeatedly dwelling on negative emotions, thoughts, or events from the past. Specifically, rumination is characterized by thoughts that are unproductive and remain stuck in negative emotions. For example, replaying a situation where someone made you angry over and over in your mind, or continuously chastising yourself for regrettable actions you've taken in the past. This process amplifies negative emotions.

Rumination usually happens involuntarily and automatically. In other words, if we let our thoughts wander without control, they tend to drift toward rumination. You might find yourself zoning out and suddenly recalling a bad past experience, repeatedly asking yourself draining questions like, "Why is my life like this? Why does this only happen to me? Why did that bastard treat me that way?"

When rumination becomes repetitive, it (naturally) leads to feelings of depression, stress, and anxiety disorders. Specifically, rumination plays a significant role in the onset and persistence of depression. The cycle goes like this: continuously getting caught up in negative thoughts ➡️ worsening negative emotions ➡️ declining problem-solving abilities ➡️ falling deeper into negative thoughts ➡️ sinking further into negative emotions ➡️ ... This vicious cycle sustains or even intensifies a depressed state.

Why does it happen automatically?

I was surprised to learn that rumination is an involuntary and automatic behavior. Why do our thoughts drift in a negative direction when we leave them alone? There are several reasons*, but I’d like to introduce one that I found most unexpected.
*There are many other causes of rumination, but discussing all of them would require more space, and I'm not a mental health expert, so I'll leave it at that.

It's called the "Victim Mentality." Simply put, it's a psychological phenomenon where individuals exaggerate the tragedies that happen to them, fostering self-pity. Many people, including you and me, tend to exhibit this to some extent. When this tendency intensifies, a person starts interpreting their life too dramatically and sets themselves as the protagonist of their own suffering.

The reasons behind this psychological phenomenon are complex and varied. For example, it includes:

1. Psychological Defense Mechanism (Self-Pity): This is an unconscious strategy to avoid problems or responsibilities. More specifically, it involves excessively pitying oneself and magnifying the pain one feels through self-pity. By viewing oneself as the dramatic victim of the situation, a person attempts to reduce anxiety or guilt.
Thinking patterns like "Why is this happening only to me?" are typical features of this syndrome. Self-pity often manifests as an attempt to feel that one's pain or misfortune is greater and more significant compared to others.

2. Attention: We might exaggerate or emphasize our suffering to gain social rewards such as others' attention, empathy, or consolation. Receiving comfort and attention from others can make us feel like important individuals.

3. Low Self-Esteem: Paradoxically, by seeing oneself as the tragic hero, a person might feel that their situation and themselves are special. This can be an attempt to restore self-esteem.

4. Learned Helplessness: This phenomenon occurs after experiencing repeated failures. The belief that one cannot change the situation leads to feelings of helplessness, reinforcing the idea of being the tragic hero.

5. And so on...

If you find yourself ruminating unconsciously, consider whether you might be falling into the the mentality.

Overcoming rumination

So, how should we think instead?

The direct opposite of rumination is "self-reflection." Self-reflection involves intentionally thinking deeply about oneself to improve the present and future. Instead of getting stuck in negative emotions like being trapped in a swamp, self-reflection means objectively analyzing problems or experiences and striving to understand your emotions, actions, and outcomes. If possible, you seek solutions to problems or aim to grow and learn from them, making self-reflection generally positive and constructive.

The key difference between rumination and self-reflection lies in "goal orientation."

Rumination has no goals. It’s like a cow chewing the same cud repeatedly, staying stuck without any direction for improvement. In contrast, when engaging in self-reflection, you analyze the problem more objectively and use it as a foundation to make the situation better. For example, thoughts like "What was the root cause of that problem? How can I solve it? What can I improve next time?" are flow of self-reflection. Therefore, self-reflection is future-oriented.

However, more important than self-reflection is first recognizing that you ARE ruminating. If you notice, "I'm caught up in unproductive thoughts," you can stop immediately. Mental health professionals advise that once you become aware of it, you should stop thinking and focus on the present moment.

This practice is known as mindfulness. It involves moving away from the past, uncontrollable things, and negative emotions, and concentrating on the sensations, breathing, and sounds around you in the present moment. Staying present is the core of mindfulness.

So, if you find yourself ruminating without realizing it, try to stop your thoughts as much as possible and focus on your breathing. Of course, as mentioned earlier, since rumination is involuntary, it’s not easy. I also find myself slipping back into negative thoughts while trying to focus on my breath. However, recognizing that "I'm currently ruminating" is the first step to solving the problem.

Finally, I’d like to share a method I often practice to wrap up this letter. It’s similar to the mindfulness technique mentioned above but slightly different. It has no medical or psychological basis and is simply a solution I’ve found through experience.

Sometimes, when I realize that I’m stuck in negative thoughts or emotions, I immediately ask myself, "So what should I do now? What should I focus on?" By paying attention to the answers to these questions, I can often easily get out of the negative cycle and engage in more productive thinking and actions. I encourage you to try it too!

See you next week.